Tim Feldmann, world-renowned and respected Ashtanga yoga instructor came to visit our Shala in March of this year. He came at a very pivotal moment in my life. I had just had my rib re-section surgery 3 weeks prior and had just started a slow yoga practice again after 2 weeks off.
Tim giving me a Supta Kurmasana adjustment in my Primary Series practice.
For anyone who knows me personally or has been following my journey on Instagram @clarissa_mae_ you may have seen my December posts when I was in the hospital with a blood clot. The clot occurred it turns out because my 1st rib and my clavicle were too close together blocking the main vein to my right arm, the rib re-section removed about 2 inches of bone from my 1st rib, hopefully fixing the problem for the future.
My rib re-section incision post surgery.
When Tim came to our Shala I had just spent the last 3.5 months doing gentle practices and being concerned I would never be able to regain my strength or my practice as it was. When Tim left he had managed to shift my perspective in his kind and generous manner. Tim presented workshops on the Breath & Bandhas, Armbalances, Backbending, and taught Mysore. Because I was still in recovery I didn’t get to practice all the physical tips and tricks, but I got to observe and take it all in. I also had the great honor of being Tim’s personal Quad City tour guide and driver while he was here. I got to take him for lunch and we strolled through a local antique shop, picking up relics and laughing. I talked to him about my practice, my surgery, my anxiety about any possible limitations, my dream of going to Mysore. He listened and responded with deep kindness, wisdom, & encouragement.
Tim was a delight to host in the QC
During his workshops he would keep reminding us about Mula Bandha (root lock at the base of the pelvis) and Uddiyana Bandha (abdominal lock). He explained it like this: Mula Bandha is the effort and Uddiyana Bandha is the letting go, and we must engage both at all times. The first day he taught Mysore I essentially acted as the room monitor, checking students in, giving them ok to go in to the Mysore room, making sure Tim didn’t need anything while he was teaching, and of course taking pictures. After class Saturday I asked my teacher Evan & Tim if they thought I could try Mysore the next day, they both agreed. So Sunday I unrolled my mat in the Mysore room and started a very slow and careful practice. Throughout my practice I was aware of my friends around me completing feats of strength and flexibility, Tim giving adjustments to get my yogi friends into the best version of the Kapotasana or whatever their peak poses were. I hummed quietly along, still doing vinyasas from Matthew Sweeney’s Moon Series as my shoulders were not ready for a normal Ashtanga vinyasa. During my practice Tim would come check on me, giving me gentle adjustments for encouragement, in my Supta Kurmasana he worked carefully to help me into a less intense variation of the posture.
Final rest adjustment from Tim after my Mysore practice.
Near the end of my practice he came over and squatted near me, looked me in the eye and asked me how I thought my practice had gone and how I was feeling. I responded with something like, “well given my surgery I think it went ok.” His next sentence continues to resonate with me, still looking at me with a warm smile on his face he said
“Good, now you know where your practice is and you go one-eighth more next time, and take it slow, but you do not go back to your old practice, you have a new practice.”
This simple statement shifted my whole interpretation of my situation. I went from feeling sorry for myself to being grateful that I had the chance to have a new practice and the adventure of discovering what it would be. During my final rest Tim gave me a final adjustment and beneath the towel I had covering my eyes I wept. I received a big hug after practice and felt such gratitude to this mentor who appeared in my life in a moment I truly was in need of guidance. There are many people I hope to study and learn from in the future and I am hoping beyond hope to be able to study in India very soon, but I will make every effort to learn from Tim as often as I can. He will be back at our Shala next March and I am so excited to once again have the privilege of being a student in the presence of his wisdom and generosity. Thank you Tim, I hope you know how much you you have impacted my practice and thus my life, I hold you in high regard and look upon as a mentor and friend.
Awesome! It sounds like a great weekend with Tim!
Sean
What a wonderful story and how lucky of you to have spent some time without Tim. Just as Tim seems to have come into your life at the right time, this post seems to have entered mine at the right time too. I started looking into Yoga in around August 2017. I have a problem opening my hips so my practise is up to Marichyasana A. My teacher is Catherine from Yoga Creation in London and to begin with, I got frustrated easily because everyone was miles ahead of me and everyone on Instagram just made me look like a clown and my efforts futile. Even though Catherine had been telling me over and over again not to look at other people in Instagram and that Mysore Style was all about “My practise” I guess I just didn’t get her until I visited Mysore in January this year (2018). As soon as I landed in Mysore, I had a stabbing pain in my intercostals that dogged me for my entire time there. I also must have pushed myself too much in the first 1-3 days because I also hurt my knee (again, Catherine had told me time and again that Lotus is to do with opening the hips and nothing to do with the knees) by pushing down on them too much.
From talking to Sharmila (Saraswathi’s daughter) amongst many other Yogis, it finally dawned on me that “My Practise” meant what my body could do, and what my body was willing and able to do. From that moment on, I no longer compared myself to anyone, and I was no longer in a rush to complete Primary Series by a certain date. If my body never allowed me to complete Primary Series, so be it (although in my head, I still hoped to be able to do what my new found friends could do!)
Then, came a low point in my life last week, when I slipped very badly and awkwardly on a stretch of black ice and severely damaged my MCL (Medial Collateral Ligament), sprained my ankle and then pulled my intercostal muscles once again (lifting my Dad in and out of bed, and on and off the toilet – he currently has a chest infection and Pneumonia).
I am looking at a 3-6 month recovery time since my MCL tear is probably a Grade 2 injury. I can’t bend my left knee without a lot of pain and I can’t put weight on my left leg without feeling unstable and vulnerable, so my practise has come to a complete standstill.
I read an article about a guy who managed to continue playing sports without repairing his ACL and that got me thinking about the possibility of rehabilitating my knee (whether I have a partial or full ligament tear – apparently it is hard to tell right now because of the swelling, even if they did an MRI scan of my knee now) but one thing struck me from your post and that was Tim’s words to you: “…you have a new practise now” and that’s what I need to do with my practise…I mustn’t get discouraged just because my knee injury prevents me from doing certain postures – rather, I should modify (as I have done in Mysore) certain postures to accommodate my knee injury until which time my knee recovers and I can “resume normal programming!”
Thank you for sharing your story – it’s inspiring and it makes me want to meet Tim one day even more now. I had signed up to attend a Handstand workshop with Tim’s amazing wife, Kino this June, but unfortunately I also have rotator cuff shoulder tendon injuries in both shoulders (but that’s another story!)
Hi Ted, thanks for reading and sharing your story, as you know I can relate to injuries that prevent us from maintaining our “practice.” But you are right to know that your practice will always be what you make of it, whether it is a full bind in Mari D or moving more slowly through a practice that will help heal your body. Wishing you the best of luck in your recovery, take it slow and easy and know that whatever comes next is perfect for you!
*with Tim